Sunday, January 21, 2018

Living With One

Life with one breast is something I'm getting used to. 

My clothes hang differently now. 

The right side  of every outfit looks flat or even concave depending on what top I wearing. 

I'm not using a prothesis or planning on having reconstructive surgery. 

I've only recently started using my cross over the chest purse again.

It rubs against my scar which was very irritating. 

I bought a new swimsuit with a less revealing neckline. 

I've stuffed the right side with quilt batting. 

Sleeping on my right side causes my left breast to fall over to the right side and because there is no right breast to support it, I place a pillow against my chest to hold the left breast in place.

Running feels incredibly weird! I used to bounce equally, now I bounce lopsided. 

I tried on my bras and decided to forgo those forever. Tank tops with built in bras are far more comfortable and help keep the right nipple from rubbling against my shirts. 

On the very brightest side of having the mastectomy is that the tumour is no longer part of me! 

I thank God daily for that.  

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

He's The Best

My dear Mr Reid is the best. He saved my life when I wanted to end it during the horrid side effects from the anti-nausea drug. He cut watermelon for me to eat when I could't face anything else. He gives me head rubs when my head aches and takes me out to dinner when I'm too exhausted to open a can of black beans. I tell him all the time how much I love him. Even in my art! 

Cigar tin 3"x4" 

We laugh a lot.

Cigar tin 3"x4" 

Cigar tin 3"x4"

Cigar tin 3"x4" 

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Now I Understand, Nanci.

It's been months and months of being either bald headed and cold or fuzzy headed and cold. So cold that I wear a hat inside, a toque to bed and scarves around my neck. This week I noticed my hair is filling in. What used to be a silver grey hair has become white and the brown hair is much darker, almost black. It's still too short to tell just how much curlier it will be but it's definitely going to be curly! 

I took these photos with my Pad as I have great options in editing and altering the photos. I played around with the colour first. That lead to these, which I think are fun and speak volumes as to how I'm feeling about life right now. I appear to be calm and almost smiling but in reality I'm often not smiling on the inside. 

I never understood when my cheerful and optimistic friend Nanci said she felt so lonely after she'd been diagnosed with breast cancer. Now I do. It's not that I'm physically alone (too many kids, grandkids, friends and an attentive husband for that) but I feel a loneliness deep inside. I've read that other women with breast cancer, or any cancer, have the same feeling. It is a very common side effect of having a cancer diagnoses. 

I'll be in a room full of people laughing along with them when all of a sudden loneliness appears. I feel separated by an imaginary wall. Sort of like the white wall in the photo. Other times I'll be sitting at home listening to music or watching tv or reading when it hits. There's no rhyme or reason to the timing and only time relieves it. I'm learning as I go along how to deal with this and other side 
effects. Fresh air helps. Walking along the ocean or in the woods helps. A good long soak in the tub with a book and a cup of tea helps. 

I'm not telling you this for your sympathy but to help you understand why your friend or loved one or co-worker living with cancer may burst into tears for no apparent reason. There are just so many side effects from this wretched disease and the treatments. 

Just hold their hand and listen to them and don't offer any words of wisdom! 

In memory of Nanci Balogh.